I woke up at 6.30 AM with a massive headache and then the
images slowly came back to me- I was tossing around all night and I was worried. Worried that I had bitten off
more than I could chew, worried that I was just too unrealistically ambitious,
worried that my writing sucks. This in turn ruined my mood and determination to
work the next day and made me extremely anxious. I dozed off at some point between
debating whether what I was thinking was for real or what was turning out to be
“real” was because I was thinking of it…(should restructure that statement
later)
My interviews for today were scheduled with Ishrat and
Anish. Talking to them, I had hoped would give me some understanding of how
expansion projects affect fellows. Basically, this was my induction of sorts
into the project.
I started knocking on Ishrat’s door to wake her up. Yes, I
fully intended on taking the interview- fuck that headache. Today was supposed
to be a day I live like/ be a writer, live a part of my dream and give it a
test run.7.30 AM and still no response. I sent her a text, called her mobile.
Nope! No response. I knew she would get up late and this interview was not
going to happen at 8 AM. Somehow, I did not lose my cool. I trusted her enough
to know that she would make up for this and I knew I could not afford to be
angry- I had the 2nd interview scheduled for 11 AM. I didn’t want to
ruin the chances of that being fantastic. For now, I had woken up early and I
put this extra time to some scripting and reading Daisy Miller by Henry James. Two things learnt- A) Don’t schedule
meetings before 10 AM and after 7 PM. Chances are your interviewee’s won’t make
it. B) Stay calm. Make the best of the current situation.
At 11 AM I reached blue city (the boys’s apartment) with a
packed bag- camera, pen, diary, recorder, water bottle, cigarettes for Anish, a
deodorant( I knew it was going to be a long day) and lipbalm. Ooh and candies
for the sugar! J I
checked my equipment and placed them in the right spot, stuck a “don’t disturb”
sign on the door.
My scripting was the bare minimum; I wanted to draw out
questions from the interview itself. This turned out to be a good decision.
During the interview, I realised I absolutely loved what I was doing and I felt
fantastic about myself and felt proud
because of all the hard work I saw-the thought and preparation I had put into
this. I didn’t interrupt him, didn’t manipulate his thoughts/feelings, I watched
for verbal and visual cues, I was professional, I was writing, listening,
talking and handling it well. I was thrilled to bits that I had a few initial
questions that would make the interviewee reflect over past experiences. Hey!
It’s really a challenge to get your interviewee to go back in time by over a
year and relive that situation…
After the interview Anish appreciated me for my
professionalism and that fuelled me with more energy. My next stop was the
office, had to meet the admin team and explain my project to them. On my way, I
kept thinking why I felt so confident and proud of myself and I realized its
because I always shy-ed away from doing any project by myself. I work really
well when I have a team with me. I know that I feel very uncomfortable working
by myself. I feel shy and awkward talking to people about their emotions and
getting them to tell their stories. I would not believe and have confidence in my ability to do it. So the fact
that here I was, doing what I wanted to do and doing it well, was making me
feel invincible (my favourite feeling
J )
In the office I met Sagar Sukla and he mailed me his
reflection- from the day he visited government officials in Khetri. I was
elated- another story and a written one at that!! Brilliant! My wow-est moment
of the day was sitting in the store room with the admin staff and telling them
what I was planning to do. They seemed excited and more than willing to help
me. Usually, a group like this can shut me up like a clam. But things were
different- I was comfortable there, I spoke honestly and explained clearly
without any stammering, I understood what they were saying and where they were
coming from. It surprised me that I was actually having fun talking to them and listening to them!!
Next I spoke to Vikramji and explained the project and his
role in it. I saw that he was excited and happy to hear that someone cares
about his story and I remember feeling very warm and humbled by his positive
response. After settling a date for our next meeting, I started packing my bag.
It struck me then and I sheepishly reproduce those thoughts here-
ASP seems to have (afterall) helped me a lot. Today’s powerful
planning- credit those 6 months of gruelling ASP, selling my idea to all these
people learnt from ASP, this crazy ability to push myself- ASP again, listening
to people, articulation of thoughts and feelings and being warm and sensitive-
learnt from debriefs. Handling on field changes- ASP!! Taking responsibility
for my learning- ASP.*
By 4.00 PM I was back in Ashoka to interview Ishrat. After two hours of some wonderful
conversation with her, I came out knowing that both the interviews have given
me lovely stories to narrate. I was also able to see that as an interviewer my
skills had improved during the course of the day. I seemed prepared for the
interview and had prior knowledge of a few vital facts.
For e.g. I was able to question Ishrat - “ Your PR happened
with Jhunjhunu fellows if I’m not wrong. How did you react when you were
initially informed about this?”
By 7 PM I was exhausted!!! That headache became a little
more prominent. I also learnt that honestly listening to someone’s speech is a
highly energy consuming task. (Really empathizing with Shaila here)
So here I am( still as excited as I was in the morning),
trying to pull an all nighter ‘cause ‘am pregnant with two wonderful stories.
(Ishrat: brace yourself) J
Task for tomorrow: Remember: When you are talking to
someone, love that person from all your heart. The connection you will form
will be amazing…
ASP stands for Academic Support Program, which is what I do in the schools... This process is supposed to help the fellows develop their competencies
